Difficult to find an interesting picture of a carpet, so it’s a mat.
I just wondered if anyone would know what a plopcarpet actually is? I’ve had the word going round and round in my head ever since that actor – the less-funny-than-James-Cordon one from Gavin and Stacey – tweeted it at BBC political news editor Laura Kuenssberg in the middle of General Election night. It was meant to be an insult:
Resign, you disingenuous plopcarpet.
It’s given me the worst kind of earworm – the one word kind.
I haven’t bothered to read the back story too closely, because frankly it’s not as memorable as the insult itself, but I have a feeling poor Laura – my favourite reporter, as it happens – had foolishly mentioned that Labour’s Red Wall appeared to be crumbling. Now, it was crumbling, it did crumble, and you would think it was simply her job as a political analyst to make at least a passing mention of crumbling, but less-funny-than-James-Cordon actor person took offence.
To be fair, he did (eventually) delete the tweet – or string of tweets – and apologise to poor dear Laura, who graciously accepted his apology with more humour than I would have been able to muster at the end of a long, exhausting week of trailing round after politicians.
I googled plopcarpet, assuming it was one of these ultra-trendy snowflake, gangsta, hipster or woke-type words. It was obvious what it sounded like it would have to mean, but if people were going round regularly calling each other plopcarpets, why hadn’t I noticed? Get to the back of the queue, you queue-jumping plopcarpet, you! Or perhaps they were. Perhaps only an ancient boomer would be unaware of all this electronic plopcarpetry.
But Google had no suggestions either, which means, probably, that the less-funny-than-James-Cordon actor made plopcarpet up on the spur of the moment, and thought it just the right epithet (epithet?) to tweet at a lady news presenter.
And assuming he made it up, what made him imagine that disingenuous was the adjective to qualify it?
However, I must thank the less-funny-than-James-Cordon actor because he has given me an idea for a flash-fiction story. (I am collecting them at the moment, in an exercise book.) It is story in which a person thinks up a ludicrous insult, only to have that predictive texting gremlin helpfully correct it to something horrifyingly unpleasant. And the consequences thereof.
Just to round off this tiny post, here is a selection of famous, and slightly wittier, insults from pre-Twitter times:
She ran the whole gamut of emotions, from A to B. (Dorothy Parker)
All morons hate it when you call them a moron. (J D Salinger)
My dear, you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly. (Winston Churchill)
I like your opera. I think I will set it to music. (Ludwig van Beethoven)
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. (Mae West)
She speaks five languages and can’t act in any of them. (Sir John Gielgud)
He is simply a hole in the air. (George Orwell)